Rough
by MouseCadet
Summary: When Murdoc goes too far and hits Noodle during a fight, he realizes things between them are a lot worse than he thought, and that fixing Noodle may be harder than any of them had anticipated. (Pre Phase 4, Platonic Nudoc)
1. Chapter 1

Things were rough. Very rough. They were certainly rough physically, with the whole band crushed into their trash heap they called home on Wobble Street. They all complained about it, and hating where they currently resided was one of the only things the whole band could agree on these days. They had one car, and the poor thing was already on its last leg when Russell insisted they buy it. Financially, things were more of a nightmare than any of them had experienced in a long long time.

Emotionally. That was the rough they didn't discuss. It was fair to say they were all a wreck, although the boys knew Noodle was doing a lot worse than they were. But they all had jobs now, everyone but Murdoc of course, and relationships with each other were always strained and busy. So they didn't talk about it.

Noodle was both relieved and upset that they hadn't asked her about what happened to her in hell. One part of her thought it was out of respect, not to bring up any horrible memories unnecessarily. The other part of her worried it was because they just didn't care. Didn't care enough to ask, didn't care enough to know. She would berate herself for thinking this about Russ or 2D. Murdoc however, was another story entirely.

Noodle wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate him for everything he had done to himself, to her, to everyone she loved, but she just couldn't. She still despised him, resented him, held a burning anger for him deep inside and she desperately hoped he could tell. If he could, he certainly didn't mention it. But once again, emotions were just something they didn't discuss. Never seemed necessary.

But Noodle wasn't doing too hot, she knew her depression and anger had entered a dangerous territory with things only getting worse by the day. She wasn't stupid, but ignoring things was so much easier than the other option. Wake up, shower, go to work, maybe eat, go to sleep, repeat. But Noodle knew it wasn't that simple. She knew in between shifts she would break down, she knew sleep was impossible no matter how much she drank or how many pills she took. She knew showering was difficult, and that when she did she would burn herself with the water so scorching just to feel clean for once after everything that had happened.

Her anger for Murdoc was also still going strong. Every day that he would ignore it just pissed her off more, as if she wasn't doing the same exact thing. Noodle knew she was a hypocrite but she didn't care. HE put her through hell, HE should apologize. HE should have bring it up first, not her. However she would be lying if she said the thought of him actually approaching her about the subject didn't scare her. She didn't want to tell him what had happened to her. She didn't want to tell anyone, ever.

Frankly she didn't know what she wanted exactly, she just knew it wasn't this. Murdoc and her didn't speak unless they absolutely had to. She wondered if he hated her quite as much as she hated him. If they weren't ignoring each other they were fighting. Their fights could get very very bad, very quickly, and this just fueled their anger and hatred. Noodles towards Murdoc, Murdoc's toward himself and Satan and the whole damn world. They took out this anger on each other, because god knew throwing beer bottles and plates, slamming doors and screaming was easier than the alternative. Talking.

Noodle would try her hardest to get him to hit her, push her, or do anything to her that she could use against him. She would spew horrific words to him, saying things she knew would hurt him just to press his buttons. But of course he never laid a hand on her. That just made her more angry. How dare he pretend to care about her enough not to hurt her, hadn't he already hurt her so much? She had pushed and pushed and pushed him for months, shoving him during fights, screaming in his face, threatening him. He had never broken, never so much as touched her to get her off of him, so she assumed he never would. She was wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

.Murdoc came home angry. He had met with every agent he could think of trying to get the band back up and running, but no one saw them as a "viable option". Viable option his ass. Murdoc walked straight through the door to the liquor cabinet, looking for his tequila that he had purchased with the little money he had left the day before. It was gone. He grabbed the vodka instead, taking a few swings before he decided to go looking for his tequila. He had a pretty good idea of where it would be.

Noodle heard loud angry footsteps coming up the stairs. She knew 2D was at work and assumed that as soon as Murdoc saw he was gone he would go back down stairs to skulk and drink. However when she felt the floor shake from the force of the pounding on her bedroom door, she realized she was wrong. Tonight he was after her.

It was disgusting how Noodle had almost grown to look forward to these screaming matches with Murdoc. She knew it was probably due to the fact that this was her only contact with him, and whether she admitted it or not she missed him and craved his attention. Even if the attention was in the form of anger.

"Yes" she said sweetly, knowing the gentle mocking tone in her voice would piss him off before he could even open the door. "Noodle god damnit did you take my tequila!", Murdoc yelled, opening the door hard enough to leave a hole in the wall.

Fuck. Noodle realized she had in fact taken his tequila the night before. She was too upset and tired to care about the repercussions of her actions last night, but now not so much. "No you bastard you probably lost it, not my fault you're too old to remember where you put your liquor."

Murdoc was seething, and noodle could tell. She had never been frightened of him, and she wasn't now but this was definitely the closest she had ever come to being scared of the old man. Noodle knew she could easily take Murdoc in a fight, and she still trusted him somewhat, but that didn't make the sight in front of her any less intimidating.

"Do not, lie to me", he said through his teeth, almost like a parent berating their child in a public place. "I'm. Not. Lying.", she said, knowing damn good and well that she was. Then Murdoc began doing something she didn't expect, he started going through her things, looking for the missing bottle or anything else he could get angry at her for. "Stop it, get out of my room and stop touching my stuff!", she screamed, jumping off of her bed and attempting to stop him. She didn't even remember where the bottle was, but that didn't matter anymore, now he was invading her privacy and she would not stand for that. "MURDOC YOU PIECE OF SHIT!", Noodle yelled, throwing another slew of cuss words at him as she attempted to pry his hands away from her things by grabbing his arms and shirt and anything she could get ahold of.

That's when it happened.


	3. Chapter 3

He hit her.

Backhanded her across the face in an attempt to get her off of him. It worked.

They both just stood there, frozen in shock. Noodle's eyes were beginning to sting with tears but she was pretty sure it was more from the shock than any actual pain. Isn't that what she wanted. Hadn't she practically been begging him to hit her for months? Why did she feel so hurt?

Murdoc had a look on his face Noodle had never seen in the entire time she had known him. A look of shock, horror and regret that washed over him. It was the most emotion he had shown on his face in a long time, but she really wasn't paying attention to that, or anything.

"Oh my god", Murdoc breathed, walking up to her slowly, as if not to scare her away. Noodle had tears streaming down her face now but she still didn't move or say anything. He cupped her face in his hands, feeling even more horrible when he noticed her wince. Whether it was in pain or in fear he didn't even want to know. "Noodle", he whispered, sounding on the verge of tears himself for a second. "Noodle I am so sorry, I'm so sorry princess I'm so sorry I didn't mean to I shouldn't have done that princess I'm so sorry." Murdoc continued to repeat a mantra of apologies to her as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

Noodle was surprised to hear him call her princess, and old nickname she hadn't heard him call her since she was a teen. She felt horrible, she knew deep down in a way it was her fault. She had been egging him on and pushing him for months now, he was bound to crack eventually how could she think he was immune to her constant attacks. Granted, he still should not have hit her, she understood why he did. Hell, if she was Murdoc, she would've hit herself long before now.

"It's okay", she said quietly. "Murdoc it's okay really."

"No Noodle it's not okay, it is never okay for someone to hit you especially not me, Noodle I swear it will never happen again I promise you okay. I promise sweetheart"

He said the last part so gently, as if whispering it to himself and not her. She could tell he was extremely upset and noodle realized she was the reason he felt that way. That she had probably been making him feel that way for a long time now. That's when she lost it.

"I'm sorry", the young girl sobbed, falling into his embrace. "I'm sorry Murdoc I'm so sorry" "No no no no no, what the hell are you sorry for love? You didn't do anything I should never have laid a hand on you!" Noodle continued to cry, holding onto him like she was suffocating and he was her last breath of fresh air. "I've just been pushing you for months saying and doing horrible things to you on purpose Murdoc I'm an awful person I'm so sorry Murdoc I should never have treated you that way", she cried, struggling to say the words she so desperately wanted him to hear. Murdoc sighed and held her tighter, smoothing her hair down like he used to when she would get upset as a child. "It's okay Noodle, we have both been pretty bad to each other. I don't blame you for hating me love, I would hate me too if I was you." 'I do hate me', he thought, but he wouldn't tell her that.

"Can you forgive me?", She asked, looking up from his chest, giving Murdoc a look that broke his heart. "There's nothing to forgive love, I'm not mad at you. You should be mad at me. I'm so sorry that I hurt you Noodle, can you ever forgive me?" Noodle knew his asking for forgiveness was no longer just about slapping her. It had become more than that. For the first time he was showing real remorse for what he had done to her, what he had involuntarily put her through all these years. Even if he wasn't saying it directly. "I forgive you Murdoc", she said, with a small smile that was her sad attempt at showing him she was alright. Well she wasn't alright but he didn't have to know that.

(Not the last chapter don't worry! I'll update I promise, not sure how long I'll make this but I hope everyone is liking it. I'm aware my writing is kinda subpar but there's such lack of Noodle and Murdoc FanFiction I cant help it)


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